“WWJtweet? Chillin here on the cross and some mean roman soldier stabbed me in my side, what a jerk! Oh well at least it’s nice outside lulz!”—matt goddard (chiodos) just made my day by posting that on twitter.
I wish I could see myself as other people see me, like what type of person I come off as. or if people really care, in all honesty. I try so hard to show people how much I care about them and I try to not be a horrible person (especially to the people I care about) but even though I try I still feel like a horrible person, so I’d like to know if I actually am.
I’ve been feeling really shitty lately and I was gonna come on here and complain some more (since that’s basically the reason why I made this damn for, to vent without annoying my friends since they don’t have to read it) and I checked my dashboard and zacharyxbinks posted this blog and it’s almost exactly how I feel sometimes and it made me feel a little less alone as lame as that sounds lol I just need to keep reminding myself to have faith in things I guess.
I think it’s really easy to fall into this mindset.
I won’t speak on behalf of everyone, but I’m definitely prone to it. I will often look at my schedule, work load, and assignments while thinking to myself, “Why has this unfortunate to-do list fallen upon me, of all people? Woe is me! What turmoil! What cruel fate!”
Anyway, who wants to be accused of self-pitty? I can always find a way of justifying my complaints as I see myself as less of a wollower and more of a martyr. It’s a terrible habbit, but there’s always the sickeningly sweet allure of percieving one’s life as more difficult (and inadvertantly more important) than the rest of the world’s. My problems are bigger than yours, and all that.
Generally speaking I need to have more faith; in myself, in God, in my loved ones and so on. I need to objectively look at my life and take deeper breaths. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be at this very instant.
I’m near sighted in life. I get caught up on all of the instant happenings and the immediate gradifications and dissapointments without any regard to the proverbial “long haul”. I’ve got to remember that life isn’t a single exposure; it’s pages and pages of contact sheets with works of art and complete disasters. There’s a bigger picture, punctuated by moments, for better or worse. The universe doesn’t hate me. The planets haven’t aligned in a Caesar-esque plot against me. Time will move on without any regard to how I’d like to spend it. Things will move on and in most cases, it’ll be for the better.
Today we got done work early and me and Dana ended up shopping. I got awesome new sweatpants and hoodie from Victoria’s Secret, dress from H&M and I got some clothes for the baby from H&M too. I feel kind of accomplised and kind of broke. Atleast my new sweatpants are super comfy.